Unlikely Comparisons

Frankenstein vs. Jesus Christ
Both…
-Rose from the dead
-Have tool bits stuck in them
-Have creators that were playing God
-Are misunderstood monsters/Jewish

Sarah Palin’s Mouth vs. Sarah Palin’s Vagina
Both…
-Smell like moose burgers
-Are shaved
-Have retarded things coming out of them

Whiskey vs. Breastmilk
Both…
-Are administered to screaming infants
-Are the leftover by products through the anaerobic respiration of cells undergoing glycolysis; the process of turning glucose into a viable energy source
-Are delicious!
-Are “nursed”

Paris, France vs. The 7th Layer of Hell
Both…
-Have the best, fucking pastries. Seriously
-Are famous for their bloody guillotine massacres
-Are a popular destination for German Nazis

Children vs. Dogs
Both…
-Eat inappropriate things
-Can be trained with a choke chain
-Are vessels for lonely people to store their excess emotional baggage
-…like, when they act up, or break something, or shit in the house for the ga-zillionth time, you start to give serious thought to the idea of giving them up for adoption. Because let’s face it. You obviously were not ready for this much responsibility in your life. I mean, for fucks sake you work 22 hours a week at a Goddamn TGI Friday’s and have ZERO food in your fridge. Shit. Movie in with your parents while you still can and just let the state take care of “Rufus”.