You Lucky Bastards

Today is April Fools day. I thought for today’s entry I would stage a huge breakdown, call out all the personal foibles of my 4 subscribers (I’m surprised I have any) and then pretend I was quitting comedy because it wasn’t immediately going anywhere. Then, I would end it with a big “AAAAAAAAAPRIL FOOOOOOOOOOOOLS!!!”

I realized that was kinda lame. It’s a very Mark-esque idea, if you know what I mean. My friends would see that coming a mile away. I need to stay ahead of the curve.

I figure, why not mess with people online? God bless the man who invented Omegle. They distilled online interaction (eg: facebook, myspace, blogs, twitter, message boards) into its purest form. Click and start chatting with a stranger instantly. And then immediately fuck with them.

Connecting to server...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: hey
Stranger: How's you stranger?
You: hows it going
You: not so good.
You: yourself
Stranger: Not bad thanks, why so sad?
You: im not sad. im on a hospital computer
You: they have one computer in each patients room
Stranger: What have you done? I'm in on Friday to have an unjection in my spine. Owch!
You: i was hit by a drunk driver last night
Stranger: Really..
You: yeah
Stranger: You sure?
You: why is it they are always the ones to walk away
Stranger: They're pissed
You: the fuck do you mean "am i sure"? am i sure i have two broken legs and head scabies? yeah im pretty fucking sure of that
You: arsehole
Stranger: I'm so sorry.
You: whatever. lets move on. i dont want to get upset
Stranger: You must have hit by the twat truck
You: Id love to collide with a giant drunk vagina. It might explain my head scabies
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Connecting to server...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger:
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...................... .............................':::::: : : : : : : : : : : : : :
...................... .............................:::::: : :-~~---: : : -----:
...................... ............................(_''~-': : : : : : : : :
...................... .............................'''~-,: : : : : : ~---': : : :,'--never Gonna
...................... .................................,: : : : : :-~~--: : ::/ -----give You
....................... ............................,-''':: :'~,,_: : : : : _,-'
....................... ......................__,-';;;;;:''-,: : : :'~---~''/
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You: is that thomas jefferson?
Stranger: rick astely
You: was he a founding father too?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

(Sorry, that one was kinda fudged. You get the idea).

Connecting to server...
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi?
You: hi
Stranger: how are you today?
You: why the question mark
Stranger: I'm new to this
You: oh...ive been better. yourself?
Stranger: I'm well. Are you feeling stressed out over something?
You: no, no. its just april fools day and ive been pranked pretty hard already
Stranger: What was the prank?
You: i woke up, to my mom standing over me. she punched me in the face, said "April fools!" pause, "youre adopted", no april fools and then told me to stop crying
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Connecting to server...
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: slaut
Stranger: salut
You: you callin me a slut?
Stranger: no
Stranger: salut it's hi in french
Stranger: ^^
Stranger: not slut
You: go back to africa
Stranger: oh
Stranger: i would like
Stranger: you want to go with me?
You: depends
Stranger: depends on what?
You: depends on how cheap those gorilla paw ash trays are
You: i wanna pick up a dozen
Stranger: okay adolph
Stranger: ^^
You: pfff. prude
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Last one

Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi thar
You: hi!
You: asl?
Stranger: not the stranger again lol
Stranger: 18/male/britain u?
You: your the stranger lol
Stranger: ^^,
You: 14/f/AMERRRRRICA
Stranger: cool
Stranger: u ?
You: can i aks you a bitsh question?
Stranger: go for it
You: is it true they shit there but dont flush?
Stranger: no thats faulse we do flush
You: loooooool
Stranger: >:) lol
You: then why do euripeans smell like shit
Stranger: i dont know probs because amercans arnt used to us
Stranger: and there for smell worse
Stranger: lol
Stranger: =D
Stranger: we have losed the game
You: i heard we give afrika condums all the time so i think we should give europe soap the same way
Stranger: na we have our own soap and its not made from man fat
You: idgi
Stranger: lol
Stranger: ^^
You: hey british man, guess what?
Stranger: what
Stranger: ??
You: youre a dickless nutless poofter
You: PEACE
You have disconnected.