Did you ever see that one episode of South Park where it’s like Kenny actually die dies and they cremate him? So Cartman, thinking Kenny’s ashes are chocolate milk mix, drinks Kenny and invariably has Kenny’s soul trapped inside him, giving him ghost-induced Exorcist Tourette’s? The guy who wrote/directed Adventureland is having an all out war with his opposite in Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist to see who can channel the ghost of John Hughes first.Don’t worry, I’ll get to exclusively breaking down Boringland and why the ticket was barely worth the paper it was printed on in a sec. I wanna mention some stuff about Nick and Norah. I had the unfortunate luck of accidently seeing it on a really shitty date (everything about the date, the movie, the food, the date herself, sucked). We thought we were seeing Zack and Mira Make a Porno. An honest mistake. So, give me a break.
Structurally, Nick and Norah and Adventureland are exactly the same. They both start off with the physically mediocre protagonist, who is either Michael Cera or his fucking stunt double, getting his heart broken. Aw. Anyway, some shit happens and he’s thrown into a ca-raaazzzy situation where he meets the hot, I’m-so-cool-because-I-let-the-unknown-underground-bands-I-listen-to-define-my-personality, jaded chick. The two have an on-again off-again thing going on, the bad moments exacerbated by the super-hot preppy girl who’s got a completely unrealistic (aka, fantasy) thing for the chucklehead protagonist. Anyway, the quirky guy and the quirky girl wind up being together at the end in New York City. The films end with them passionately kissing. “John Hughes, can you hear me!? I love you so much it hurts! 16 Candles is the best fucking movie of all time! I just want to smother you with my love! And when I kill you, I wanna wear your skin like a wet suit and be you, John Hughes. John Hughes!”
Now that this review’s intro is done, we can get down to brass tacks. You might be asking yourself, “…wait. What the hell is Adventureland?” I know. There is a very good reason why this anonymous fart debuted right smack in the middle between the winter and summer blockbuster movie seasons.
Set in 1987 (Joooohn Huuugheees…), this movie is a semi-autobiographical beat-off fantasy for the director that failed to deliver what the previews promised: a comedy. Sure, there were some funny parts but they were completely overwhelmed by the fake melancholy “coming-of-age” “teen” drama theme that revolved around a 22 year old college grad virgin. The character should have been a recent high school grad. At least all the stupid-baby emotional bullshit they go through would have made a lot more sense and still wouldn’t alienate the film's 15-year old target demographic. I think the age change might have been a demand from the producers who thought an 18 year old shouldn’t do all the casual drinking and weed smoking that goes on throughout the movie (yay). I know it’s gross and it’s hard to believe, America, but high school kids drink, smoke weed, and fuck 26 year old repair men who cheat on their wives. They are also way less coherent and charming than any movie would allow them to be.
A movie has to suck really bad if it forces me to bitch about an actor that wasn’t even in the goddamn film. I am really, really starting to dislike Michael Cera. He plays the exact same character in every single one of his movies, no lie, no exaggeration, no hyperbole. Jesse Eisenberg, who plays the main character James, is Michael Cera-lite; a polyp that grew off Michael Cera’s back until UC Irvine med students scraped it off, cultured it in a Petri dish and gave it acting lessons. The only reason the director got Jesse and not Michael to fill in this typecast role is because of the two, Jesse is the only one who is actually tall enough to ride the Adventureland amusement park rides.
This is not a coming of age story. I’m sorry, but it isn’t. Any time you can tack on “…and they lived happily ever after” to the end of a project, you cannot legally call it a coming of age story. That’s like calling Schindler’s List a comedy because it tickled the shit out of some neo-nazi. A coming of age story is when a kid, not a 22 year old college grad boomer transplant, realizes the world is full of crazy bitches and the 1% that comprise the cool ones will probably never, ever talk to your awkward ass because they already have cool boyfriends. Only the Disney-fed and John Hughes are disillusioned by reality so late in the game.
I guess when all is said and done, there is nothing completely egregious about Adventureland (and it certainly didn’t suck as bad as Nick and Norah, holy shit was that bad). It just annoyed me. It annoyed me that it wasn’t as funny. It annoyed me that the supposed soul of the movie is kinda bullshit. And it really annoyed me that the lead quirky girl was almost a complete character-design rip-off of the lead chick from Freaks and Geeks.
I give Adventureland 3/10 corgis.
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