My Science Fair Project

Title: Deviancy in Craigslist as Determined by Intelligence

Abstract: It comes as no surprise to anyone that the internet is an open sewer, a chunky blend of sex and horror like a bad Rob Zombie movie but real. It’s hard to just fabricate something so mind-blowingly grotesque as that .gif of that guy who split his penis 4 ways or that one of the guy cutting off a live pig’s head with a chainsaw. No. That shit really happened. The internet is not an art but it certainly mirrors the worst of humanity. Craigslist is the Joe Every-Man’s face of internet depravity. It is the Robin Williams to www.northeastbearticklesexpartymeetngreet.org’s Lenny Bruce (I don’t give a damn if you get that analogy or not). Anyway, Craigslist serves its purpose as being horrible but not so horrible that I need to clear my browse history and shower after surfing its pages. There you can find real people looking for sex among joke posts, bots, and men pretending to be women. And boy are they not afraid of showing you some home-grown porn! There is definitely a geographic component as to what they are willing to show you.

Hypothesis: The less educated a metropolitan area is, the more naked pictures you’ll find on craigslist

Elaboration: People with a higher intelligence have either developed a more acute sense of shame or a credible job where naked pictures floating around on the internet are a liability.

Experimentation: According to a bizjournals.com article that I’m not going to cite, the two smartest cities in America are Seattle and Washington D.C. based on percentages of people who hold advanced degrees and those who passed the “Hey you, eat this thing!” test. The two dumbest are Miami and Santa Ana. This will make for an easy comparison of blah blah blah blah blah….

I’ll do a quick scour through each city’s Casual Encounters page on Craigslist; the first 100 ads with photos. Gays and lesbians have no shame, so trying to quantify their naked pictures is like counting sand one grain at a time. I’m not a fucking super computer, here. And fuck looking at “Men seeking Women”. Besides, it’s way harder to get a straight woman to post her naughty bits online. It’s a challenge. She has to be a huge dullard to not see the inherent creepiness of that.

There are a lot of fake ads on Craigslist. The way you can tell is if the person in question is ugly. Are they ugly? Yes? Then it’s real. I will only count the real photos. I’m sorry, but the naked photo of Tiffany Sparxxx does not count because A) she didn’t post that herself and B) she doesn’t live in Seattle.

Data Collection:

Seattle – 3 homegrown pics per 100
D.C. – 5 homegrown pics per 100
Santa Ana – 15 homegrown pics per 100
Miami – 77 homegrown pics per 100

Data Analysis: Damn there are a lot of naked Cuban moms in Miami. It’s like Castro was having a total liquidation sale down there at the Desperate Mom Store. Jesus. Speaking of which, every single one of them had Mr. Jesus around their neck. AND ONLY DUMB PEOPLE BELIVE IN JESUS AMIRITE?! YEAH!!!! *high fives room*

Conclusion: Looks like I was right. In your faces, you crybaby sociologists! I am the best! I am the greatest social commentator since Limbaugh! The gays want to convert your children to work as slaves in their sex dungeons! Feminists were created by the liberal Jew-cabals of the world to eliminate dinner time! Black people smell funny!

Feeeeeeeeeeeed……………meeeeeeeeeeeee…..