The Scotsman, The Blue Collar Man, and Dick Cheney

(To the tune of "The Times They Are A-Changin' by Bob Dylan)

Three men traveled long
From far far away
To ask a blind shaman
What creatures they display
Their spirit animals
This Indian will say
They must know
To make themselves happy
Sight beyond sight is
What they’ll see today
Because they know, their lives are crappy

The Scotsman stepped up
And said “nutin’ ta loose!”
The shaman said “great!
Your animal’s the goose!
You’re ornery, loud,
And prone to abuse
When you drink with your wife
You get slappy
Now get out of here
Before you drop a huge deuce
Because you know, your life is crappy”

The blue collar man
Was just a bit timid
And repulsed to find out
That inside he’s a squid
Spineless and gray
Screwed by takeover bids
His story is sad
And sappy
“I never wanted this
When I was a kid!”
Because now, his life is crappy

Dick was expecting
To be a lame duck
But shocked to learn
He’s bacterial muck
A parasite disease
Spreading horrible luck
A cancer on Earth
Mr. Cheney
An epiphany this grand
He let out a “FUCK!”
And now he knows, his life is crappy

And they all knooow, their lives are, craaaaaaaaaaaaa-ppy