Here’s my dilemma. Writing movie reviews should be funny. That’s priority number one. If I watch a bad movie, a real piece of shit, like, oh I don’t know, Valkyrie, then my job is easily accomplished. “This is a piece of shit. Here are examples of its shittiness. I would rather do shitty act #1 than watch Valkyrie, etc.” On the other end of the spectrum where immortal films like The Dark Knight reside, my job is just as easy. All the jokes are gay jokes about me wanting to blow everyone involved in the creation of the film. Simple.
Aside from Dr. Manhattan’s uncut, electric blue dong flashing across the screen multiple times, I don’t really know what to mention that’ll be funny. I feel that I am lucky to be part of a small group of people who were in just the right spot to see the film. See, I never read the Watchmen comic. I cheated. I read the entire Wiki article; I knew just enough not to be lost, but not enough to be pissed about continuity issues. It also didn’t hurt that I’m a huge geek and love superheroes.
The movie is never as good as the book. Ever. Come on, karate kid. Find one example where this isn’t the case and waste me. Jurassic Park, Dracula, Horton Hears a Who; even if the movie was fantastic, the book was better. So there’s no point in comparing the movie to the book unless the two are radically different. Watchmen drew from the best graphic novel of all time and was more or less faithful to it; the changes that I noticed seemed logical and fit well. In fact I would argue the movie ending fit a little better than the comic book ending.
I think I stumbled onto why the movie is getting the reviews it’s getting on RottenTomatoes
Acting: It was all very solid, but nothing mind blowing aside from Rorschach. By far the best acting and character in the film. Watchmen also had a Richard Nixon that was so bad it made the hairs on my neck stand up. It was so shitty that I wanted to immediately punch him.
Special Effects: Very cool and well done, but you can’t pound a script with a CGI hammer and expect it to turn into a diamond.
Script: (read the third paragraph again)
Directing: Look, I got a C in filmography, so I don’t really know what I’m talking about here. But I will say that for the most part, the directing was neither spectacular nor offensive. It had a good feel and look, but, I don’t know, it just wasn’t great. The best part, unfortunately, was the opening credits that are right after the first scene. That and Rorschach are the best parts of the movie. Done.
Maybe, the problem was the source material. Maybe Watchmen was just too ambitious of a project; something so vast and complex that a single movie could not do it justice, even if the running length is 2 hours, 43 minutes. Maybe I should just stick to reviewing shitty movies.
Aside from Dr. Manhattan’s uncut, electric blue dong flashing across the screen multiple times, I don’t really know what to mention that’ll be funny. I feel that I am lucky to be part of a small group of people who were in just the right spot to see the film. See, I never read the Watchmen comic. I cheated. I read the entire Wiki article; I knew just enough not to be lost, but not enough to be pissed about continuity issues. It also didn’t hurt that I’m a huge geek and love superheroes.
The movie is never as good as the book. Ever. Come on, karate kid. Find one example where this isn’t the case and waste me. Jurassic Park, Dracula, Horton Hears a Who; even if the movie was fantastic, the book was better. So there’s no point in comparing the movie to the book unless the two are radically different. Watchmen drew from the best graphic novel of all time and was more or less faithful to it; the changes that I noticed seemed logical and fit well. In fact I would argue the movie ending fit a little better than the comic book ending.
I think I stumbled onto why the movie is getting the reviews it’s getting on RottenTomatoes
Acting: It was all very solid, but nothing mind blowing aside from Rorschach. By far the best acting and character in the film. Watchmen also had a Richard Nixon that was so bad it made the hairs on my neck stand up. It was so shitty that I wanted to immediately punch him.
Special Effects: Very cool and well done, but you can’t pound a script with a CGI hammer and expect it to turn into a diamond.
Script: (read the third paragraph again)
Directing: Look, I got a C in filmography, so I don’t really know what I’m talking about here. But I will say that for the most part, the directing was neither spectacular nor offensive. It had a good feel and look, but, I don’t know, it just wasn’t great. The best part, unfortunately, was the opening credits that are right after the first scene. That and Rorschach are the best parts of the movie. Done.
Maybe, the problem was the source material. Maybe Watchmen was just too ambitious of a project; something so vast and complex that a single movie could not do it justice, even if the running length is 2 hours, 43 minutes. Maybe I should just stick to reviewing shitty movies.
I give Watchmen 8/10 corgis. Go watch it.
1 comment:
As I recall, Dr. Manhattans schlong WAS cut.
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