Tuesday, March 3, 2009

How I Got This Scar on My Face

There’s no better look for a guy than a big, hideous scar scrawled across the face.

I’m not kidding! Unless your nose is completely removed or you’re a burn victim or something, scars are like permanent manhood badges of honor that seriously don’t look bad at all. Here’s an example. Let’s take contemporary actor Philip Seymour Hoffman:


Alright, alright. Let’s give him a facial scar.


Whoa! Now that’s a man who lives hard! That’ll do, Seymour. Tear up those Oscars. Stomp the yard.

But what’s his story?

All scars have a story behind them, but beware. There’s a fine line between having your face mauled by a bear and that time a ceiling tile at the sewing store came loose and hit you in the face while you were looking at floral patterns. Here’s a quick list of no-no word combinations you should refrain from saying when people start asking how you became such a badass.

“Well, I was strolling through the meadow when all of a sudden…”

“My mother…”

“I reached down to find my missing Cher mixed CD when I looked up and saw a truck…”

“My porcelain teapot was boiling so much that it was rattling back and forth…”

“Those office cubicles have really sharp corners…”

“I was super scared…”

“That was the world’s meanest little snapping turtle…”

“My seaweed rap dried out and burst into flames from the hair dryer…”

“I’m sorry…”

“I should have been home instead…”

“He was right…”

“I cried…”

No comments: