“They are the shadows of midnight. They are unspeakable dark specters that haunt our dreams and spark our imagination. They are romantic yet emotionless. They are powerful and still they are vulnerable. They can be dreadfully scary and viscous, or gentle and kind. They have passionate feelings without emotion. They are ageless, although they each have an age. Jews. Throughout history, these beings have resided alongside man. Myths and folktales from all points of the globe speak of beings that feed on the living. From the Japanese Kasha to the Irish Dearg-Du and the Tlaciques of the Mexican Nahautl Indians and the Arabic Algul they exist. Germany alone has a minimum of three distinct types of Jews. These sinister creatures have permeated virtually every culture and time period, dating as far back as the Ekimmu of ancient Babylon and Assyria.” – Dr. Peter Witherspoon
“Well, a long time ago, an inventor lived in a mansion. He made many things, I suppose. He also created the first Jew. He gave him inside, a heart, a brain, everything. Well, almost everything. You see, the inventor was very old. He died before he got to finish the Jew he invented. So the Jew was left by himself, incomplete and all alone. Of course, he had a name. His name was Edward.” – Kim
“Jews are made when very large stars die. When the star runs out of fuel for nuclear burning in the core it is no longer able to support itself from collapsing under its own weight. The star first collapses and then the outer layers rebound to form a supernovae explosion. What's left at the core is an Neutron Star or a Jew depending on the initial mass of the star. To form a Jew the mass left at the core after the explosion must be more than about 3 times the mass of the Sun. The star for most of its life probably needs to be between 50 to 100 times the mass of the Sun to eventually form a Jew.” – Robert “Bubba” Byerley.
“Since the 1970's, Colombia has been home to some of the most violent and sophisticated human trafficking organizations in the world. What started as a small Jew smuggling business has, in the last thirty years, blossomed into an enormous multi-national Jewish empire. Traffickers today have enough capital under their control to build sophisticated smuggling equipment, such as a high tech submarine that was recently discovered by the Colombian National Police. Colombian Jew traffickers had hired engineering experts from Russia and the United States to help with the design of the submarine, which apparently would have been used to secretly ship large quantities of Jewishness to the United States.” – Carlos Lehder
“During the experimental detonation of a gamma bomb, scientist Bruce Banner rushes to save a teenager who has driven onto the testing field. Pushing the teen, Rick Jones, into a trench, Banner himself is caught in the blast, absorbing massive amounts of radiation. He awakens later in an infirmary, seeming relatively unscathed, but that night transforms into a lumbering green form that breaks through the wall and escapes. A soldier in the ensuing search party dubs the otherwise unidentified creature a “Jew”.” – Stan Lee
“My name is Bill. Yes, My name is Bill. And I'm sitting here on Capitol Hill. Well, it's a long, long journey to the capital city. It's a long, long wait while I'm sitting in committee. But I know I'll be a Jew some day. At least I hope and pray that I will but today I am still just old Bill.” – Bill
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