Laura Bush is Scary Looking

Talking about Bush and the straight-out-of-Hell past 8 years is soooooo 2008, but Michelle Obama makes a good point: the first lady is supposed to actually do shit. I don’t care what; just something.

I’m not trying to make this political. This is not a “Republican women are pug-fugly” rant ‘cause Nancy Pelosi looks like she died 2 years ago. This is intended to be a critical evaluation on the role of women in high society and the burden of expectations they bare. And to gawk at Laura Bush’s face.

Before we talk about ol’ LB, I want to postulate that being the Queen of England is the worst fucking job. And before I elaborate on that, I want to state that Michael Jackson is the most miserable person on the planet (fact). A lonely, isolated life is what is thrust upon beautiful, regal women like the Queen and Michael Jackson; a price they must pay for being so goddamn famous. They are not so much people as they are delicate, faberge eggs that must be simultaneously adorned by and sheltered from the filthy, unwashed masses. They are basically objects.

(I say being the Queen is the worst job because even though she isn’t sucking dicks for drug money a-la Pretty Woman, she lives her entire life from birth ‘till death in an insulated bubble, 24 hours a day. At least crack whores take breaks and their life of whoring didn’t start until [child molestation joke])

So is the story of Laura Bush. Primped and premed, betrothed to the Bush political dynasty, her job was to 1) stand there, 2) look pretty (emulate her mother-in-law and Nancy Reagan), and 3) churn out a slew of kids. She had 8 years to do shit being married to the most powerful man on the planet and all she did was start a book festival and wear red dresses (symbolizing menstruation or women’s health or something like that). That’s it.

What the fuck else was she to do? Stand around and look spooky. I have nothing left to say about her so I’ll let the photos of her plastic-like face speak for themselves. If I had access to photo editing software, and let’s be honest, the skills to use it, I would create a .gif of several photos of Laura Bush morphing into each other and leave you people shocked at how similar all the pictures are.